my sister asked what type of soup I was eating but I didnt know what to say because I had just poured orange juice into a bowl and was drinking it with a spoon
when ur family come over for dinner and ask what youve been up to
ok but give me one good reason why you wouldn’t date Kermit the frog besides that he is a puppet and a frog
I can’t beat Miss Piggy in a fight. She’s very strong and knows karate.
interviewer: any special talents?
yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me